Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She told me I should be a condom model.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How external is "for external use only"?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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