dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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