I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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