I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
