It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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