my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
