i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
