i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
