Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
