I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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