I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
