In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
