get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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