it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
