a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All the doctor said was why
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
