if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We have started to decorate penises.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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