after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
