that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
