i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
