Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
