I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
