idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize