I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So squirting runs in the family.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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