Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
