living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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