I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
