why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
