three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
