So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
