May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
