i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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