Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
