what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize