There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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