seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
