the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
