btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize