we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
