In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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