Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
