you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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