I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Two words: nipple clamps
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