Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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