My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
