I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
