We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
