Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
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