It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
