M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
