my sisters under your porch take her home
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize