A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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