Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
