hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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