Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
