my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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