I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
