you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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