dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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