no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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