there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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