We're like a lot better than the average bears
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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