I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize