I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
