just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize