just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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