you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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