I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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